Killer
by SPG inc
Summary: Scott Shelby's thoughts as he says goodbye to Lauren. Major spoilers.


**Killer**

He wasn't sure when the attraction had started. Most likely that night when she stayed at his flat rather than going back home. As he looked at her, his mind's eye replaced the clothes she was wearing with his towelling robe she'd worn that night, the oversized garment seeming to suit her perfectly at the time as she sat at his table eating the scrambled eggs he'd made her. The domesticity of it in his dark, lonely, empty life felt bizarrely surreal, yet the company of another person brought a sense of comfort and reassurance so alien to Scott he found the memory alone emotionally overwhelming.

Shelby held Lauren by the shoulders softly, trying to provide her with some little comfort. This was so strange to him. For two years he'd felt guilt, and pity, and the desire to comfort the children he'd kidnapped and locked in his well as a test for the love of their fathers. But he'd never dared confront that guilt, as it would only slow him down in his work and make him sloppy. Nor did he attempt to comfort his victims as they cried and pleaded for freedom, for it would only make him weak.

Now here he was with Lauren Winter in his arms, trying in vain to reassure her while the ghosts of John and his drunken father danced around his head shouting 'Murderer! _Murderer_!'

"Let me stay with you Scott. I don't want to go."

For a moment he almost embraced the sentiment. But then he banished the feeling. She didn't understand. She never would or could, but he couldn't let her know that. He forced a kind look and said "Look it will only take a couple of days. Long enough to get this resolved," all the while wishing she could stay so they could comfort each other through this nightmare.

"I can't just wait while you confront my son's killer."

A knife of guilt pieced Scott's heart. The feelings he had for the woman became bitter and repellent. She'd been married before, with a child, and he'd taken that away from her in a fit of rage. She wasn't really attracted to him- she needed someone; _anyone_. In her grief she was searching for emotional support from anyone she could find, and just by chance she'd unknowingly picked the serial killer she was looking for vengeance against. It was a hopeless situation, but deep down Scott in no way felt at fault.

After his brother John had died, Scott had spent his whole life trying to get over it. When he'd been adopted he'd tried to forget he'd ever had a previous father. When his mother stopped visiting he'd tried to forget he'd ever had a previous family. It had never been the same though, replacing the bossy leadership his brother had exerted over him with a sister he didn't know. As he grew up he distanced himself from people, trying to ignore the feeling that any sort of relationship brought as it reminded him of the brother that was no longer there. Growing up inside his own head, he join the police force as a particularly intelligent officer, concentrating of the suffering of the victims he interviewed and culprits he apprehended to blot out his own suffering.

And then two years ago, Ethan Marrs had blown all his efforts to hell.

He'd just been shopping that day, his thoughts nowhere near his dark past. And then that terrible moment when Ethan failed to save his son from that car accident filled his mind. He'd stood there the whole time as the police came, and then an ambulance, never once looking away from the prone forms of the dead boy and comatose man. A father who didn't have what it took to save his son; his own flesh and blood. And all the while the brother looked on, abandoned and alone, just like Scott.

He'd tried to forget it; tried to ignore it.

But it ate at him.

Damn Ethan Marrs! Wasn't there a single father in the world who could save his own son?

Scott had to do it. It was the only way. He just couldn't take it. He had to see if there was such a thing as a father who could save his child. And it had to be Ethan- all those over the last two years had just been practice for the real thing.

Another pang of remorse hit Shelby as he remembered Lauren's family. Her husband had followed the clues, and had come so close, but Scott had to cover his tracks and couldn't afford to have someone else complete the trial and walk away to tell the tale. So, Scott had killed him, shooting him in the back as he tried to free his son from the well, before dumping his body into the river with a pair of cement shoes.

"Tell me who the Origami Killer is. I want to know who killed my son" Lauren sounded desperate now, and Scott nearly caved in under the pressure. She had to go now, or he wouldn't have the strength to make her.

"Listen, when I'm done I'll tell you everything I know. I promise."

A part of him truly meant it, though he knew that in practice such a thing would be devastating in every possible way. On reflection, it seemed as though he'd been doomed ever since Lauren had forced him to accept her as a partner. Tonight was when it was all going to end, and because of the involvement of this woman, one way or another it was going to end badly for Scott Shelby.

Without another word, Scott dipped his head and kissed Lauren deeply.

He told himself he was doing it to silence her, denying the thought that he was doing it because he doubted he'd ever see her again.

The kiss- it was a disaster. It was the worst thing that could possibly have happened. But it felt so good, even as the wrongness of him laying hands on her after he'd killed her husband and son burnt in his heart.

He pulled away, and with one last look at her he left, expecting her to follow his instructions and get the train.

She had to go. They couldn't be together. Not after what he'd done to her. How was he supposed to entertain the fantasy of opening his stone cold heart to her after all he'd done? And yet he did imagine a life with her. A life where he wouldn't be lying alone in his bed at night, feeling like his brother gazing up to the sky for some divine salvation, knowing that he was without hope.

No- it was better this way. Now that she was out of the way he could finish this. No more drowned boys, or fathers dying in his little game. After two long years this saga would come to an end, and he would finally know if there was any hope of finding a father who could save his son.

All that mattered now was Ethan, and if he had what it took to do what Scott's own father couldn't do. In just over an hour he would confront the man, and know the truth once and for all.

Scott Shelby steadied his resolve, and thought no more of Lauren.

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_**I'll admit I rushed this. This is one of my one-day-oneshots where I just have (what I think to be) a good idea and write it in one day flat and post it as quick as possible. So I apologise for any careless mistakes. Enjoy**_


End file.
